Bernie Just Totally Killed it on SNL

Partial transcript from tonight’s SNL sketch with a Sen. Bernie Sanders guest appearance:

The sketch begins aboard a sinking ship, and Taran Killam is the bearded captain, telling workers preparing the life boat, “Women and children first!” Larry David, tonight’s host, is on deck, and he says somethng like, (in an Irish brogue) “Really, we’re dong that?” As a child boards the lifeboat, David’s character continues: "that’s not a boy — he’s more man than I! Let’s give him a pubes check”. The captain replies, “No, we aren’t doing that.” David’s character changes tactics — he tells everyone that he is wealthier than all of them put together, so he deserves to get on board the lifeboat. 

Suddenly, Bernie comes on deck dressed as an immigrant. The newsboy-style hat alone is priceless.

Bernie: “Hold on, hold on — wait a second! I am so sick of the one percent getting this preferential treatment. Enough is enough. We need to unite and work together if we’re all going to get through this.

Larry David: “Sounds like socialism to me."

Sanders: “Democratic socialism."

Larry David: “What’s the difference?"

Sanders: “Yuge difference."

David: “Yuge?"

Sanders: “Yuge."

David: “Yuge with a y, eh? Who are you?"

Sanders: “I am Bernie Sanderswitsky but we’re gonna change it when we get to America so it doesn’t sound quite as Jewish."

David: “Yeah, that’ll trick em."

Captain: “Hold on everyone — i’ve got great news. What we crashed into was Liberty Island. We’re in New York. Everyone off the boat!"

Sanders: “Look at that!"

David: “Aw man, not bad!"

Sanders to David: “Share a cab?"

David: “enh, I think we’ve talked enough."

(foghorn sound)

Will post the clip when it becomes available.

In the meantime, you can go to Mediaite.com and watch another sketch from the show, in which David plays Sanders: www.mediaite.com/… (h/t MTmofo)

And here is the video (h/t New Minas):

And here is a screen grab of Bernie and Larry at the end of the show: