7:30 AM: Woke up to the pleasant sounds of Peter, Paul and Mary on my iPod alarm clock.
7:40 AM: Started shower. Could not get correct temperature of water. Unwilling to accept anything but the proper temperature, so must forego shower. Note: call plumber to replace shower head ripped out of wall due to not functioning correctly.
7:45 AM: Decided to wear a Pine Green shirt today. Only clean shirts are Dark Spring Green, Dartmouth Green, and Myrtle Green. Pine Green in in laundry. This is unacceptable. Have to wear a crimson shirt now.
7:55 AM: Cursed day! Planned on free-range white chicken eggs to go with the bacon, but there’s only free-range brown eggs in the fridge. Skipping breakfast. Note: need to go grocery shopping as all the contents of the fridge have been dumped in the garbage.
8:15 AM: Setting off to work. Want to listen to REO Speedwagon while driving. No station is playing REO Speedwagon. Ripped radio out of dash and threw out window. Must remember to protest the media blackout of REO Speedwagon.
8:20 AM: Received citation for littering due to radio thrown out window. Stupid cops. Don’t they have anything better to do than make up rules about throwing debris out in the streets, as if it was my fault?
8:43 AM: Arrived at work. Couldn’t find parking spot near door. Why won’t management do anything about the people unfairly getting parking spaces near the door just because they came to work earlier?
8:55 AM: Coffee station does not have the proper brand of Colombian fair trade coffee, instead using this Ecuadoran fair trade coffee. Warned them multiple times. Threw coffee machine in garbage.
9:15 AM: Finally co-workers have stopped haranguing me about the stupid coffee machine. I wouldn’t have had to do it if they’d all just agreed that my coffee was obviously better.
10:00 AM: Coffee break couldn’t be taken because the coffee machine is broken. Writing an email of complaint to the management for not providing a coffee machine.
10:30 AM: Staff meeting.
11:07 AM: Staff meeting concluded. Other staff did not agree with the clearly superior plans I’d presented. These strategies work well in other companies, so I don’t see under what rationale they don’t think they work here. Co-workers tried to claim there’s a difference between a company that makes toilet seat covers and an architectural firm, which is clearly preposterous. We use toilet seat covers in our washrooms, do we not?
11:16 AM: Senior manager unfairly criticized me for setting fire to the documents during the staff meeting. What was the point of keeping such obviously flawed proposals? I was clearly just making a point to my idiotic co-workers.
11:33 AM: Writing email to complain about being oppressed in the work environment when the keyboard malfunctions. Moron from IT replaces it after claiming that spilling drink over the old one is somehow responsible. Well, if it was, that’s their fault for not getting proper keyboard.
11:55 AM: Staff decide to go out to lunch. Vote 10-3 to eat at a Thai restaurant. Stupid unfair voting. Only four people actually felt strongly for Thai, the other sheeple just went along with it even though it wasn’t their first choice and they “compromised”. Skipping lunch in protest.
12:41 PM: Stomach growling. Worth it for standing up for principles.
1:17 PM: Overheard staff members discussing decisions made while they were at lunch. How dare they talk about things when I’m not present! Writing email to complain about it.
2:23 PM: Feeling really hungry.
2:48 PM: Structural engineer called to complain that my design was unrealistic and that I’d need to add in more supports to prevent collapse. He’s clearly in the pocket of the people selling building supplies just looking to make a profit.
3:00 PM: Still no coffee. Writing a letter the the CEO to complain about the lack of a coffee machine.
3:02 PM: Staff getting together to put in an order at a Starbucks for coffee. They didn’t bother asking me. When I point out they didn’t ask me, they have the gall to say that since I’ve said in the past that Starbucks is an evil corporate monopoly taking advantage of the consumers by selling overpriced crap and I’d rather rip out my own liver with garden shears than ever get anything there that they assumed it was pointless to ask me. After complaining about this unfair excuse for their behavior, they have the gall to ask me if I’d be willing to give my money to such a prime example of a corporation that exploits the public, which I angrily point out.
3:04 PM: Writing email to HR to complain that co-workers have used obscene language to describe me.
4:17 PM: Leaving to go home. When questioned by manager, pointed out that the “rule” that work ended by 5 was an oppression of worker rights.
4:19 PM: Writing email to HR to complain about manager threatening to fire me if I didn’t follow the alleged “rules” that were clearly written to oppress me.
4:21 PM: Finally email from HR that only consists of an excerpt from my contract with the supposed “rule” about working hours highlighted.
4:23 PM: Moron from IT complaining again, this time about the keyboard sticking out of the monitor. If they don’t want things like that to happen, then they should tell people to stop sending offensive emails.
5:00 PM: Finally allowed to leave the office even though I wasn’t able to work the last part of the day because of an inoperable computer.
5:45 PM: Arrived home. Nothing to eat because refrigerator was empty.