The Supreme Court, along with some pretty damn amazing lawyers, delivered a great blow to the forced-birth movement this week. This is an extraordinary victory for women’s health So many clinics have closed because of unconstitutional laws. Now, because of this Supreme Court decision, there will be greater access to birth control, cancer screenings, counseling, abortions, and prenatal and postnatal health.
Many people I know, including friends I regularly have coffee with and talk to on the playground, are anti-abortion. They often talk about the evils of abortion in between anecdotes about their precocious, healthy five-year-olds who talk enthusiastically about dinosaurs, ride bikes, read, write, and lead normal childhoods. "Christopher just can't stop talking about Ancient Egypt! And he's reading at a third-grade level so we are hoping to put him in an advanced class next year." They then talk about how awful it is that women abort because such women balk at the possibility of raising a child with severe medical complications.
To such people I say: shut the fuck up.
No, seriously.
Shut the fuck up.
If you have never raised a child with severe medical complications, shut the fuck up. You do not have the moral authority to judge. Do you know what it's like to have a five-year-old have such severe violent meltdowns that you have to lock yourself in your room to keep from being hurt? And then watch your 18-year-old male EMT colleagues smoothly lift a 300-lb patient into the truck and think: "That's going to be my son in a few years. How the hell am I going to control his meltdowns then?" And autism is a walk in the park compared to having a child who has 50 seizures a day and consequently suffers from severe mental disability due to chronic brain hypoxia. Or having a hemophiliac son or a daughter with cystic fibrosis who die from complications. Because raising a child with severe medical complications is ten billion times harder than raising a healthy child. Because a child with medical complications doesn't leave home at 18. That child is with you for the rest of your life. I have seen eighty-year-old parents quietly soothing their fifty-five-year-old mentally disabled children who have lived at home all of their lives because they simply can't live independently.
When my friends start talking about how bad abortion is, I often ask them "Oh, so are you and your husband thinking about adopting a disabled child? Lord knows there are so many of them in the foster care system that need loving parents." My friend says "We'll see," or (if she understands what I'm really saying) "Yes, absolutely! We've often thought about adopting a child with disabilities." Yeah, put your money where your mouth is! Guess what? It never happens. Of course my anti-abortion friends aren't going to willingly adopt a child with severe medical needs.
There are anti-abortion proponents who HAVE adopted and/or raised children with severe medical problems. Sarah Palin has a son with Down Syndrome. Michelle Bachmann raised five foster children and gave them stable, loving childhoods. Many parents with severely disabled children are anti-abortion. I disagree with Palin and Bachmann and anti-abortion parents who raise disabled children but for me, at least, they have the moral authority to oppose abortion. They know what it's like to raise children in difficult situations and they still stand by their viewpoints.
For others, financially stable parents of healthy children who say abortion is actually baby murder, I say thus: You need to see a few actual dead babies before you think abortion is equivalent to killing a baby. Have you ever seen a dead baby? I'm a paramedic, I've seen a few. Believe me, BELIEVE ME! Seeing the death of a baby is far FAR worse than seeing a miscarriage. I've treated women who have had a miscarriage. They are usually sad but stoic. Very calm. Melancholy acceptance. Tired and sad. I have also seen parents, staring with shell-shocked eyes as their six-month-old baby lies on a hospital bed while the doctor yells "PEA. Okay, I need another dose of epi. No pulses? No pulses. Continue CPR." while the male EMT who brought in the baby is standing in the corner trying his best not to cry. I will not talk about the reaction of a mother who has seen her six-month-old baby die in front of her because I really would rather not recall that. I will just say that it is different than the reaction of a woman who is having a miscarriage.
No, having a miscarriage and having your baby die is not equivalent. I have a friend who had several miscarriages before she had children. She said to me, quite honestly, "I would rather have a thousand miscarriages than deal with the death of one of my children." I knew what she was talking about.
Consequently killing a baby and having an abortion is not equivalent. A woman who deliberately kills a baby should be strung up by her intestines. A woman who has an abortion is not the same… and it is horrific to even suggest that she is.
If you want to save "unborn lives," campaign for better prenatal care for impoverished women. Campaign for better access for birth control so that women can get their lives under control and be in a healthy place before they choose to become pregnant. Many studies have shown a link between managing fertility and a reduction in domestic abuse. Women are more likely to leave their abusive partners if they don't have children to consider. "I know he hits me, but we need his salary. I can't raise the children alone." Birth control, counseling, free prenatal and postnatal counseling, and screening for drug addiction and domestic violence are part of what clinics like "Planned Parenthood" do. This needs to be encouraged. And thankfully, with this new Supreme Court decision, it has a chance.