For My Son-
I know right now is a struggle for you, and I cannot always understand the demons that torment you. I have thought about you all day today; especially, the nights you talked about what I had written here at Daily Kos. The last few years have been good for our relationship, you as my copilot and friend, as we journeyed across Kansas, Missouri, North Carolina, Florida, Oklahoma and Arkansas together. You may not know this, but you, my friend, are the reason your Mom and I devoted so much time trying to change things.
You are getting older now, and the world is getting harder on you. We knew when you were young things would be a struggle, but we also knew that we would love you forever. With all our hearts.
Maybe you do not remember being so young, but we think about it all the time. We remember this little boy, in a striped shirt, sitting and playing away from other children because you did not like the noise. When you smiled and flapped your arms, though, at 18 months old, you were as cute as you could be, and your Mom and Dad would scoop you up to show you the world.
You probably do not remember much of life without your brother, who followed you shortly after, only 17 months separate you two. And both of you have been with us through the good and the bad.
But, Augustus, you were always a big part of the good. I know that is hard to believe sometimes. I know, this weekend, the voices in your head told you terrible things. And I know you’ve been tormented by where you fit in to the world. You’re 16 now, you’ll be 17 this summer, and you know you aren’t the same as your peers. People tell you that you are Bipolar, Schizophrenic and Autistic. They tell you, you have “issues.” I know it breaks your heart, watching your brother race through high school while you struggle with your own demons.
I know that in those moments, it is easy to feel as though the world does not want you. I get it. I know that is what made it easy for you to hear the voices in your head telling you that suicide was an option, but I am grateful every moment since that day that you found that strength to talk to us and give us, every chance to help you. If you are reading this before you get home, I am glad you have worked hard to get that help.
And I am so sorry, so very sorry, that due to the way our government in this state works, the help you are getting just is not enough.