(This advance copy of the RNC schedule was delivered in a plain manila envelope with no return address.)
. . 2016 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION SCHEDULE OF EVENTS . .Monday, July 18 2016
2:00 P.M. Call to order by RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, if available Video, "Donald J. Trump: Working Class Hero" Brief Renarks by Donald J. Trump 5:45 p.m. Announcement of RecessTuesday, July 19, 2016
2:00 p.m. Convention convenes Call to Order; Thwacking, Handcuffing, and Removal of Demonstrators Color Guard by National Rifle Association Paramilitary Brigade Emergency medical aid for accidental shooting by Color Guard Pledge of Allegiance by George Zimmerman National Anthem by the Fort Wayne Straight Men’s Chorus Opening Imprecation by Senator David Perdue Welcoming remarks by RNC Chair Reince Priebus or other speaker TBA Procedural stuff, yadda yadda Infomercial Video: “Trumptastic Herbal Enhancement” Parade of Republican Congressional Candidates, in absentia “ “ “ Senate “ “ “ Roll Call for Nomination, President of the United States Floor Scuffle, SWAT Team, Arrests Roll Call for Nomination, Vice President of the United States Half-Time Show: “Trump On Ice” Triumphal Entry of President-to-Be Trump, flanked by Trump Praetorian Guard and Former Miss Universes on Elephant Palanquins Gracious Acceptance Speech by Donald J. Trump Benediction and Anti-Gay Tirade by the Reverend Fred Phelps 11:30 p.m. AdjournmentWednesday, July 20, 2016
6:00 p.m. Convention convenes, Call to order Presentation of Confederate Colors by the Knights of the Lily-White Camellia Pledge of Allegiance by Former Governor Sarah Palin w/Teleprompter National Anthem by a 1952 Recording of Tennessee Ernie Ford Rambling Invocation by Dr. Ben Carson, MD Address to the Chair, by Clint Eastwood Remarks by Joe the Plumber Fanfare and Procession of Trophy Wives Video and Remarks by Melania Trump: "Out of Unity, Cleavage" Remark by Vice-Presidential Nominee <insert name here> Procession of President-to-Be Donald J. Trump with Trump Praetorian Guard and Tycoonettes Keynote Address by Future President Donald J. Trump Closing Imprecation and Prophetic Utterances in Tongues by Senator Perdue 11:30 p.m. AdjournmentThursday, July 21, 2016
7:00 p.m. Convention convenes, Call to order Presentation of Colors by Mar-A-Lago Resort Employees Pledge of Allegiance by Mar-A-Lago Resort Employees National Anthem by Mar-A-Lago Resort Employee[s] Invocation of Chapter 11 by Donald J. Trump Infomercial: “The Exotic World of Trump Mar-A-Lago Resort,” accompanied by “A Medley of Trump Wines and Canapes” served by Governor Chris Christie (NJ) and Mar-A-Lago Resort Employees Maori War Dance by Governor Christie and Mar-A-Lago Resort Employees State of the Union Address by President-to-Be Donald J. Trump Benediction by Chaplain, Mar-A-Lago Resort 11:00 p.m. Convention adjourned by Ace Smolinsky, Food & Beverage Manager, Mar-A-Lago Resort%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%